One of the Criminals

I'm pretty sure this is cheating as far as the 7 for 7 challenge is involved, but I'm reposting a blog post I had on my old blog because it's the same thing I was wanting to write today. Also I'm really tired and was going to write nothing so I figured this was better.

This was originally written December 16, 2011,
before Ryan and I were even married.

One of the Criminals

You, you who I pray I am completely found in,
you have paid the price to set me free
For all eternity you had been in paradise, in perfect communion
you did not know the pain of sin, the hurt of being alone
but two thousand years ago you stepped into my pain
you left everything I long for in exchange for everything I long to leave
You wrapped yourself in my foolish flesh, and felt the pain of man
but you showed us how we are to live, and to love, and you did no wrong
Still you received the ultimate punishment as you made a way for me
you were beaten and bruised and your father left you
so He could be with me and your poured out blood could cover me
Oh how I long to hang next to you on that cross,
with my last breath proclaiming my faith for you, sweet Jesus
For my soul longs to hear you say:
“Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

Labor

Today I am tired, exhausted, drained
And longing to feel unconstrained
There's a consuming hunger inside me
And I'm begging God for the discomfort to flee

He responds by sending gentle motion
And filling me with overwhelming emotion
The work is hard but the reward is so sweet
He reminds me with a vision of two little feet

For this is just the start of what I'm called to be
Yet the provision promised ahead is hard to see
But He sees me labor and be heavy laden
And He grants me sweet rest, rest found only in Him

  Check out other entries for day five of 7 in 7

Judged and Inconvenienced

Although becoming parents at any age is a challenge, I think it is fair to say that it is even more difficult at a young age. I would first off like to make it known that Ryan and I becoming parents was no accident. This baby has been prayed for since before it's existence. God placed a desire in our lives to become parents, and called us to put our faith in Him and to trust that He would keep his promise of provision. Though it was a tough desire to neglect, it was also a very tough truth to have faith in. But as I thought through the reasons why I feared having a child so young I realized my biggest fear was completely unbiblical. I feared the judgement of others. It is the hardest struggle I have had to deal with in regards to my pregnancy. I become angered by the judgmental stares I receive at the supermarket, or the comments I overhear about how wrong it is to have a child at this age. For the first time in my life I am constantly judged as a result of my faith, and I have failed miserably at reacting the way I am called to.

Another idol in our lives which we have had to part with as a result of our pregnancy is that of comfort. Every dollar we make must be stretched even further, and we have had to set our pride aside and learn to accept help from our community. Our church community has come alongside us faithfully and provided for our needs, both tangibly and spiritually, but that is another blog post of it's own. Our child has yet to arrive and I have already realized that for us to be able to raise this child we will have to sacrifice convenience. Of course I understand that choosing to cloth diaper is the difficult option, but it is one way in which we can save money and put less of a financial burden on our family. Everyday I wish I had the convenience of preparing for a child the way most older, financially stable moms get to, but I do not have that convenience and so I will make the most of what I have. I will use my resourcefulness to care for my family, because I believe that that is what God gifted me with in order to provide for our family. I will cloth diaper, breastfeed, make my own baby food, do my own car maintenance and whatever else I can do to save money, no matter how incredibly inconvenient it may be. God did not promise me being a mother would be convenient, He promised me my needs would be met.

When my husband comes home from a full day of work and school I wish things could be easier for him. When he falls asleep due to exhaustion before 9 I wish that he did not have to carry the burden of providing for a family, but that is not what God had planned for us. And so I will bite my tongue at judgmental comments, and I will learn to love being a frugal stay at home mom. We will cling to the truth that being parents is a blessing, and we will endure the struggles. And with every little kick, and every time our sweet baby wiggles around in my belly we will be reminded of how incredibly blessed we are to be awaiting the arrival of a baby.