A Few Words on My Heavy Heart

Today marks 40 years since the Roe v Wade decision. Today marks the loss of 55 million babies. Although there is much I could say on this topic, my heart is saddened, and my words will be few. A mother's womb should be the safest place we as humans experience, today it is a place where your fate is uncertain. Lord, I pray for big things to be done. I pray you restore the safety of a mother's womb. I pray you change hearts. I pray you heal those broken by the aftermath of abortion.

Judged and Inconvenienced

Although becoming parents at any age is a challenge, I think it is fair to say that it is even more difficult at a young age. I would first off like to make it known that Ryan and I becoming parents was no accident. This baby has been prayed for since before it's existence. God placed a desire in our lives to become parents, and called us to put our faith in Him and to trust that He would keep his promise of provision. Though it was a tough desire to neglect, it was also a very tough truth to have faith in. But as I thought through the reasons why I feared having a child so young I realized my biggest fear was completely unbiblical. I feared the judgement of others. It is the hardest struggle I have had to deal with in regards to my pregnancy. I become angered by the judgmental stares I receive at the supermarket, or the comments I overhear about how wrong it is to have a child at this age. For the first time in my life I am constantly judged as a result of my faith, and I have failed miserably at reacting the way I am called to.

Another idol in our lives which we have had to part with as a result of our pregnancy is that of comfort. Every dollar we make must be stretched even further, and we have had to set our pride aside and learn to accept help from our community. Our church community has come alongside us faithfully and provided for our needs, both tangibly and spiritually, but that is another blog post of it's own. Our child has yet to arrive and I have already realized that for us to be able to raise this child we will have to sacrifice convenience. Of course I understand that choosing to cloth diaper is the difficult option, but it is one way in which we can save money and put less of a financial burden on our family. Everyday I wish I had the convenience of preparing for a child the way most older, financially stable moms get to, but I do not have that convenience and so I will make the most of what I have. I will use my resourcefulness to care for my family, because I believe that that is what God gifted me with in order to provide for our family. I will cloth diaper, breastfeed, make my own baby food, do my own car maintenance and whatever else I can do to save money, no matter how incredibly inconvenient it may be. God did not promise me being a mother would be convenient, He promised me my needs would be met.

When my husband comes home from a full day of work and school I wish things could be easier for him. When he falls asleep due to exhaustion before 9 I wish that he did not have to carry the burden of providing for a family, but that is not what God had planned for us. And so I will bite my tongue at judgmental comments, and I will learn to love being a frugal stay at home mom. We will cling to the truth that being parents is a blessing, and we will endure the struggles. And with every little kick, and every time our sweet baby wiggles around in my belly we will be reminded of how incredibly blessed we are to be awaiting the arrival of a baby.